I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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