Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
