I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize