Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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