Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
