it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize