She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
