Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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