we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
