I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize