As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
