Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
