She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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