i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
