Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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