did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
