woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
