i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
