im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
