Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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