Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
