wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
