Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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