brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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