Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
