Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
