oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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