And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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