I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
