I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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