You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
