Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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