Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
