do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
