I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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