Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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