help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
what day is it and did you see me today?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
