areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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