I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
