Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
