She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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