What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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