I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
