Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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