i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The uberlube is also flammable
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
