i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
