yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
