Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
