you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
