why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
