Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
