You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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