You smell like a Billy Joel song
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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