Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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