Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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