Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
