so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
