I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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