Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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