Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
