I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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