Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
