I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
