Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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