I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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