Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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