Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
