How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
