she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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