there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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