I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize