hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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