dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
