Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
